Once a Cheater, Always a Cheater?

Stacey Greene Coaching
Stacey Greene, Author

If I had a dime for every time someone had said “Once a cheater, always a cheater” I would be living in a much larger home. Where did this saying come from, anyway? Is it true?

If you believe it to be true, then each and every couple that has faced infidelity would most likely be divorced. Sadly, the statistics range from 25% to 70% of all married couples will face some form of infidelity during the course of their marriage. All I can say is yikes!

But let me be clear about something. “Once a cheater always a cheater” does not pertain to all cheaters. Many people have a moment of weakness and never had “becoming a cheater” on their radar or their list of things to accomplish. When they were found out, or when the guilt ate away at them long enough, they stopped. They saw that the grass was not any greener on the other side of the fence.

As a side note: THE GRASS IS GREENER WHERE IT IS FED!

Is the grass really greener?
Is the grass really greener?

 

Yes, there are habitual cheaters and spouses with narcissistic qualities, and they truly need professional help, but the majority of couples I have worked with have the desire to be given another chance.

If you two are taking the wedding vows seriously, then the “for better and for worse” line applies here. Nothing is worse than the feelings of insecurity and doubt that follow finding out that your husband or wife has gone astray.

Believe me, when I was right in the eye of the storm, living day to day with the knowledge that my husband tore my heart out by being unfaithful, I did not think I could go on. It was indeed “for worse”.  I lost weight. I moped around. I was numb. I was devastated. I was confused. I felt worthless.

How could I give that bastard another chance? Well, I had to reflect on the many years that he did not cheat on me. I had to look at all of the times he made me smile, made me feel loved, did a kind gesture. I looked at what kind of father he was, how he worked to support us financially.  Most of all, I had to admit that I still loved the guy!

If you feel your spouse is not a habitual cheater than there is hope for reformation.

If your husband or wife has a habit of cheating and does not understand the commitment of being married they will most likely feel entitled to something on the side. They may use the excuse that people are not meant to be with just one person for the rest of their lives. If your mate says this to you….pack your bags and RUN!

If you two are willing to admit that there are 3 people involved in the affair (the cheater, the person they cheated on, and you) then you are ready to do the work.

In my case, I made assumptions about our relationship that were not true.  I was often judgemental and had built a wall around me that my husband felt he could not break down. Please understand I am not taking all the blame. He knew the vows were real and chose to break them, and the woman he had the affair with knew he was married and still allowed the relationship to grow. There were three people involved who all had specific issues to deal with. In the end, the couple must want to reconcile their issues, tear down the walls, and rebuild.

Where are you right now? Are you ready to do the work? Set up your free call now, and remember it is NOT “once a cheater, always a cheater.”

Blessings and love to you.

 

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