Life and especially marriage can be a delicate balance of the mundane and the passionate, the ordinary and the romantic. For many, mundane and ordinary take precedence over the passion and intimacy.
When you were young and madly in love, I bet you never thought that the relationship would get so “vanilla.” It is common for affection to lessen over time, but only if you are the average couple. If you want a stellar relationship, you have to be above average and willing to work at the continuing development of the partnership. Who wants average anyway? I want a crazy, loving, laughing, sexy, powerful and intimate relationship with the man I married oh, so long ago.
Comfort in the relationship is often the reason why our intimacy lessens. A wife may feel like she can get away with coming home from work and donning the sweat pants. A husband may let that beer gut protrude a little more. At the writing of this post, we are six or seven weeks into quarantine of the COVID-19 virus. I get it. It takes a monumental effort for me to want to put on real clothes or brush my hair. I mean, come on! I am only going out to get the mail from the mailbox.
Thinking back well before the lockdown, I still see where we could easily get distracted with TV shows, attending the kid’s concerts and sporting events or just the mere fact that we are different people off doing our own things. Autonomy is great, but only to a point. There are plenty of things I cannot and do not want to do alone. You can fill in the blanks here (wink wink). I want my life to be a beautiful ride.
Can you start to recreate that spark by spicing things up in the bedroom? It keeps the mystery alive. One favorite memory of mine is when my husband surprised me by taking out the back seats of the “mom” van and filled it with pillows and blankets. He drove me to a secluded place and made love to me in the van as if we were crazy teenagers.
Another time I took my husband on a mystery date. I took him to a winery where we enjoyed painting our own set of wine glasses as we drank. Now, every time we use the glasses, we are reminded how much fun date night is, even after 30 years of marriage.
When you have been married for many years you may feel like you know everything about them, but you will never fully know your partner, as we are (and should be) always evolving, growing, learning and changing. Therefore, it should be fun and easy to continually attempt new things.
As we continue to do our part to stay at home and flatten the curve of the Coronavirus, we have discovered a new genre of movies we never thought we would like. Usually, we settle on a romantic comedy, documentary or maybe a drama. We discovered that we both like Sci-Fi Fantasy movies too. Who knew?
Along those lines, perhaps there is a new genre of book you can read together. We belong to a book club who is currently still meeting on a Zoom call until further notice.
Is there a different restaurant you can get take-out from? Help out the small businesses in this time of quarantine while trying a new place.
With your newfound time together, redecorate a room as a team and online shop for the new lights and fixtures for that project. We are doing our downstairs bathroom. I say “we” in a very loose term. He is doing most of the real work and I am just the helper. Still, I feel needed, appreciated and included. Men, do you know what that means to a woman? If you don’t know, you are really missing out.
When your state has reopened, go meet some new friends, or go up to a couple you have never met at coffee time after church and chat with them.
If you need more suggestions, read a risqué chapter from a book, throw away the flannel pajamas, get new sheets, put some different music on the MP3, gaze into each other’s eyes, or role-play. You are only limited by your own creativity.
As one final reminder, this is also the time to take advantage of the extra two coaching calls I am offering during the pandemic. Click here for your 2 free calls